【格邓同人译文】Thirty-Five Owls 卅五鹰笺（9）
原作者是M'lah Sihfay，无授权自译，侵删。
第九封信，邓布利多终于剖白心迹
January 1st, 1953
Dear Gellert,
You do seem to realize that you will not talk me out of my plans for the object in question, for which I am glad. It would be a shame to wear the wings off owls arguing over this for the rest of our lives.
Of course I have felt it, the temptation of it, as you have. But do you realize the danger of it, old friend? Surely the old history of Ilmarinen has spread to your corners of the North. There are some things that must be destroyed. And it is not, Gellert, alive. This is crucial. It has no memory, no soul, no life within it. It is not murder to end it, to prevent it from drowning future generations in blood as it has ours.
One of its powers, I fear, is that the wizards that bond to it do so with an obsessive passion that borders on twisted love. I am saddened to see you affected by this. But I will not apologize for what must be done for--yes--the greater good. The future will be better off without the temptations this thing offers. Breaking its blood inheritance will turn over a new leaf in the relations between the powerful wizards who are steeped in the mysteries...oh, dear. New leaves. I'm afraid that writing on New Year's Day makes me maudlin.
But, yet, again, I am sorry for the condition I must leave you in.
Yet you are correct. Cruel as it is to say, it is the truth--I am ashamed, to have been your lover, if 'lover' is even the word for such as us. Yet it is a small pleasure that I am able to provide you with some comfort through those memories. I thought, though, that you liked hearing the screams of Muggles?
It is a bad habit of mine to distract people with sweets. In lieu of that, perhaps, more books? I think Gertrude's grammatical eccentricities might provide you with some entertainment.
I admit, Gellert, that I've been thinking overlong myself on our boyhood time together. It has been so long since I was so intimate with another, without fear, without withholding. You are correct again: I cannot change history. And it is difficult to deny the joy of those months spent in abandoned pleasure and ambition, when I thought that you and your brilliance would save me. But the cost, Gellert. The cost! You left me burying my sister and forever uncertain of my own decency. You left me with parts of myself I must ever hide.
Ah, here is the dawn, coming up cold and misty over the Scottish hills. No potted fields here around Hogwarts--wild enough for you, I dare say. The clouds are thick round the dark forest near the grounds, and I have not slept tonight, and I...
Enjoy your books, Gellert.
[enclosure: Everybody's Autobiography, Gertrude Stein]
【译文】
亲爱的盖勒特：
你似乎已经意识到，你无法说服我放弃对“那件物品”的计划，对此我很欣慰。如果我们的余生都要耗在用猫头鹰争执这件事，那就太丢人了。
那种诱惑，我当然感觉得到，就像你曾感受到的。但你意识到这其中的危险了吗，老朋友？伊尔玛利宁（注①）的古老历史一定也曾传遍你们北方。有些东西注定要被摧毁。而且，盖勒特，它并非活物。这一点至关重要。它没有记忆，没有灵魂，它里面没有生命。终结它并不是谋杀，而是防止它把子孙后代拖入我们所遭受过的腥风血雨的苦海。
我担心，它的魔力之一，就是让感应到这种力量的巫师对它产生一种畸恋般的痴狂激情。我很难过地看见你也受到了影响。但我不会为那些势在必行的事情道歉——是的——这是为了更广大的福祉。没有这件东西带来诱惑，未来会更美好。断绝它的血腥传承，对于那些沉溺于神秘力量的强大巫师来说将意味着进入新的开篇……哦，新的开篇。在元旦之际写下这样的话让我有些伤感了。
但是，是的，再一次的，我很抱歉不得不让你落入如今这般境地。
但你是对的。尽管这么说很残忍，却是事实——作为你曾经的恋人，我感到羞愧，如果那时的我们称得起“恋人”一词的话。假如那些记忆能为你提供些许慰藉，那么我也能稍感荣幸。虽然，我想着，你原本是喜欢听麻瓜惨叫的？
用糖果转移人们的注意力是我的坏习惯。或许，书本也能起到糖果的作用？我想格特鲁德语法上的种种怪癖大概能供你消遣。
我承认，盖勒特，那段和你在一起的年少时光总是让我追忆不休。这么久以来再也没有什么人能和我那样亲密，那样无所畏惧，无所节制。你又一次说对了：我无法抹杀过往。而且很难否认那几个月的纵情声色和野心勃发让人有多么快乐，那时我以为你和你的才华会拯救我。然而一切都有代价，盖勒特。都有代价！你丢下我独自埋葬我的妹妹，并且陷入对自身品行的无尽质疑。你丢下我，从此我不得不埋藏起一部分自我。
啊，曙色从苏格兰群山上升起来了，伴着寒冷和迷雾。霍格沃兹四周围没有弹丸之地——对你来说足够荒阔了，我敢说。禁林附近乌云密布，而我一夜无眠，而我……
希望你喜欢寄去的书，盖勒特。
1953年1月1日
附：《每个人的自传》格特鲁德 · 斯坦著
注①：伊尔玛利宁：芬兰民族史诗《卡勒瓦拉》中的三位英雄主角之一，《卡勒瓦拉》的故事中有一件宝物“三宝磨”引发了种种宿命般的纷争，带来了流血牺牲。作者在信中没有写明，我私心猜测应该是用“三宝磨”比附老魔杖。三宝磨最后的结局是粉碎殆尽，然后芬兰人民迎来了和平。
猜猜这封信发出去GG多久没理AD~
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